Surrounded by morons on Christmas
by Cherimoon
Summary: Rated to be safe. Its Christmas time in central and all but a few alchemists went home for the holidays. What can possibly happen with an enchanted closet and an Edmas Tree? Probably nothing that isn't normal for our fav alchemists. RR


I don't own anything. You can even ask my shrink.

Ivan: You don't have one.

That is IRRELEVENT!

Mara: do you even know how to use that word?

Surrounded By morons on Christmas.

Chapicture 1: Ed-mas tree

Ed, Al, Maes, Roy, Riza, Havoc, Armstrong,Black Hayate and Alice were sitting Central's big, shiny war room filled with pretty chairs, shiny desks, SMEXI chalkboards including a large variety of brightly coloured chalk there was also a closet, filled with wonderous things that I don't have patience to describe. The thing is, it was locked with a magical keylock that only the fairest lady of the building can open with a kiss. Too bad there aren't any. (Riza+ Alice: -shrimp holds authoress-)

Okay.

Fine.

There are. But its not like anyone cares. The occupants in the room are to bored to notice anyway.

Alice, the new shortest person of the gang who had met Ed's record of being the youngest state alchemist ever, but only recently, was teaching black hayate quantum physics in a corner. Not that anyone knows what that is.

Riza was doing some random paperwork for cases dated a billion years ago.

Roy was reading a 3-D playboy magazine with 3-D glasses and tissue box ready beside him.

Al was shining his arm with turtle wax.

And so was Ed.

And Armstrong.

Maes was doing some random thing with Havoc in another corner involving pictures of Elysia.

Why is Envy here? Well, I don't really care. He just is ,or is he? Is he just something planted in your brain by me? The authoress? For all you people know, this whole thing could just be in your head.

Its like aliens are implanting things into our heads trying to fool us humans(or whatever you are) into living a normal life for their you just be living a lie?

Well, as long as this things in your head, you might as well TRY to enjoy it. Afterall, its almost Christmas right?

Oh! That reminds me! Back to the fickle.

Why was everyone all bored in one room you ask? Well, everyone else went home for the holidays so, they figured, might as well stay in one room. Afterall, if you stay alone for too long, your soul might be taken away from a random warehouse 13 ghost, the girl from THE RING or a random homunculi or two.

Ed looked up peering around the room uneasily. Alphonse Elric looked at him. "Is there something wrong shrimpy?"

"I thought I heard a voice... Why'd you call me shrimpy! I'm not the shortest anymore!"

Damn. They can hear me.

"I'm sorry brother! It was by accident!"

"Besides Fullmetal, if you called Alice shrimpy, you'd be commiting suicide." Roy said not looking up from his 3-D december langerie edition magazine.

"How would you know Colonel!"

"Find out yourself Fullmetal shrimpy."

Ed threw the can of turtle wax at him, but it was reduced to ashes before it would dare to touch the perfection that is Roy's face.

"Thank you."

Your welcome. Now SILENCE.

Riza sighed a sigh of disapprovement as Ed walked past to Alice and Black Hayate's corner of learningism.

"Hey, Shrimpy." Ed said smilling cockily. Oh, you may never know how wrong and arousing that sounds to me. Oh, just joking.

Alice turned around to face Ed with tears in her eyes. "W-why did -sob- you c-call mee Shrimpy!"

Tears were streaming down her face as she sobbed. She was very touchy about her size.But still, there's a reason why she's a state alchemist and she isn't like most 13-year-olds.

"Why don't I have a dramatic introduction like that?"

Because, Havoc I don't know much about you and the audience doesn't know much about Alice.

"Point taken."

Now, SILENCE FOOL.

Guilt met Ed's face as he stepped back. He didn't mean to make her cry. She was a state alchemist. She wasn't supposed to cry but he still felt very guilty.

Fore he knew it however, his clothes were transmuted into an undecorated Christmas Tree.

"H-Hey! What the hell is this!" His clothes were so stiff and needily that he couldn't move.

Maes and Havoc walked out of the corner with ornaments with Elysia's pictures on them.

"We were planning to go get a tree anyways!" They said as they stuck a few ornaments on The Ed-mas Tree.

"Get those things off of me!" Ed complained.

Alphonse and Armstrong hung their empty turtlewax cans on him.

"Al!"

Have you ever noticed that if you put many exclamation marks beside Al's name, the exclamation marks look like L's?

"Sorry brother! I couldn't resist!"

Riza hung a chain of mini crumpled papers and empty bullet shells around the Ed-mas tree as Mustang put a bunch on mistle toe randomly around the Ed-mas tree.

"Hey Hawkeye...there's mistletoe.."

Mustang was hit with the awsomely random hard fan belonging to Kaname from full metal panic which I also do not own.

Ed was getting high off the scent of leftover turtle wax, gunpowder and pine. Black hayate gave him a gift too.

"Eiw! Stupid dog! There's shit on my favourite pants!"

Ed is one of my fav characters but its just soo fun mocking him.

"You're so right." Mustang tried to say from being crumpled on the ground.

Lastily, but not leastly, alice transmuted a star from Mustang's magazine and reached up to put it on his head. She failed to reach it but Envy helped. He gets a gold sticker for being nice.

"Yay!" Envy stuck the sticker on his forehead.

Then he realized, what a retarded tree they created.

Basically, it was Ed, all green,needily and piney fresh. He was wrapped in bullet shells, crumpled paper, Elysia pics, turtle wax, mistletoe and poop. What a retarded tree.

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Okies.

chapicture one is done. Yay.

Here's a little preview of next chappie if I'm bored enough to make one:

-paintball

-ed-mas tree

-ghosts

yeaaahhh...review and stuff.


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